“You mean to tell me that you two laid in the bed together all night and nothing happened?” Camille asked with that crazy look on her face.
“That’s exactly what I am saying. I told you that I was in love with him, but I also told you I would never cross that line,” I said trying to get Camille to understand that I had no intentions of messing up my friendship, with Jay.
“I know he feels the same way about you Toya. I have always told you that he feeling you, but you refuse to take a chance with the man.”
“Exactly, a chance. I could not imagine not having Jay in my life under any circumstances. I refuse to have a failed relationship mess up what we have.”
“I don’t understand you Toya. You rather be miserable than tell the man you love, that you love him, all because you scared to take a chance. How in the world have you become one of the most successful Marriage and Family Therapist in Atlanta, when you refuse to work on your own relationship?” Camille asked starting to sound a little frustrated with me
“I am just scared,” I said just as Jay came walking through the front door.
“Scared of what? I told you I was here to protect you. I am not going to let anyone hurt you on my watch,” Jay stated as he was walking to take our snacks for movie night in the kitchen.
“See I told you,” Camille said punching me in my arm and trying to whisper so that Jay would not hear her.
“I got both of you.” Jay said as he came and plopped down on the couch right between Camille and me.
“We know you,” you do Camille and I stated at the same time while each of us gave him a playful smack in the back of the head, something we had been doing to him since college.
We spent the next couple of hours watching a movie that I had totally no interest in. The only thing that was on my mind was how I felt about Jay. I know Camille was right that I needed to tell him, but what if the vibes he was putting out was not really what he was feeling. I would hate to just through my feelings out there to him and then he rejected me. You talking about an awkward situation. Worst yet, if we did get together and it didn’t work out, that would be even worse.
I was just confused and frustrated. Did I really have feelings for Jay or was I just feeling this way, because he had to become my superman? The one thing that I did know was that the feeling were there and I would have to eventually own up to them. I just don’t think it will be any time soon. Would I even be going through this, if someone hadn’t decided they wanted to see me dead?
“Dead”, that scared me more than the fact that I was in love with Jay. I am having to sit here and look at Jay every day, because I am too scared to go and find my own place and be alone. I would feel better if the police I had some kind of lead, in my case. At least I would kind of know who I needed to be looking out for. I have no idea who I made so mad that they would want to kill me. I try my best to be nice to everyone, even if I am not feeling them. Yet, someone out there with some crazy psychological delusions wanted to kill.